his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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