you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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