I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize