he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
