the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
