She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
