**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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