I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
