He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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