how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
