Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
