You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
