i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Hippo gnu deer
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
