Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
