So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
