Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
