Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Randomize
