Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize