he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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