she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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