8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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