Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
