hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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