I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
