i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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