The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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