If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
