His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
