I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
