Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
