You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
