loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
