my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
The power of my boobs compel you
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
