I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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