i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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