Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
whose ass print is on the piano?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
