big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
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