That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
