it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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