sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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