He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
