I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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