My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Barsexuality is the new black.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Randomize
