Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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