I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
