...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Too much gin, very little bucket
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize