Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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