Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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