found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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