4 words: hood of his car
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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