Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
