Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
She told me I should be a condom model.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
