he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize