I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
