I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
