1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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