my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
She's the barista slut.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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