Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
kristin has been a bad kristin
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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