There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
