So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
It's shark week go big or go home
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
