alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
