My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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