He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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