i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
We got so high we made milksteak
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
