"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
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