Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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