dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
