just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
