season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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