She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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