there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
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