batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
