ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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