so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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