We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
