im drinking this country out of the recession.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Another day, another engagement, another cat
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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