What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I just want nice things and good sex
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Randomize