there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
