She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
