We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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