Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
