How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize