Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
