These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
